If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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