WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
