we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
that may or may not have been my penis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
