fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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