I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
