I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
