Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
