I faked an abortion last night.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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