some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Someone signed my nipple.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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