My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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