you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
