god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
