I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
