mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize