yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
