I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
