I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I died a long time ago.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
