i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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