would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
