I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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