I understand why you refuse to be sober now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
