Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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