I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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