i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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