"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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