Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
