If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
