U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
