At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
