girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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