you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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