By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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