Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
