I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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