I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
