Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
