I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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