Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
