ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
