I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
