Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize