Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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