Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
