On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
