Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
