Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
