in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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