allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
