Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
