I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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