toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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