This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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