just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
