"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
