My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
