she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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