At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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