omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she told me i tasted like america
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
