i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize