the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
