I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
