I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
