During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
