While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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