I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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