his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
