WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
