Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
