how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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