U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize