evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
