Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
