i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
