she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
