I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
