my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
