I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
