This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
