I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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