I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
