and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
