Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
