Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
