Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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