At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
