oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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