I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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