bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize