I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize