Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
