I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize