How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
