I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
