hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
