Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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