the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
