I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize