return my video game
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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