i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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