Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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