That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
